About accepting that I'm not going to get better

My back pain began when I was 14 years old. I went to the doctor, was handed some pain killers and told it would probably be better in a week or two. That was 12 years ago. In that time, I have tried all sorts of therapies and medications and last year went for an MRI in the hope that there would be a fix that would make me "better".

During my teenage years I really struggled with the fact that I was living in pain. How was it fair that I had to live in pain yet my friends could go around doing everything they wanted to do? How was it fair that I would be in full floods of tears when doing simple tasks like making my bed because I was in so much pain?

As I have grown, I have become more accepting of the condition and the reality of living in pain all day every day but I still lived in hope that there would be a cure. Only after my MRI scan came back clear and I began treatment for fibromyalgia around 6 months ago did I really and truly accept that there probably isn't going to be a cure and it is just a case of managing my condition as best as I can.

Many people tell me that as they get to know me and realise the things that I face on a daily basis, they really admire my strength and positivity towards the condition. Accepting my condition has been a very long journey and I am now putting every effort into looking after myself and throwing every treatment at my body to manage my pain. Being positive about my condition, however, has always been pretty easy (don't get me wrong, there are still times when I think it is really shit). I am generally a very positive person and this has not changed despite being diagnosed with a chronic and sometimes debilitating condition. The way I see it, I could sit around and feel sorry for myself (already did that in my teenage years and got the t shirt 💁🏻‍♀️) however I don't want to live my life in that way. I am in pain every day but I am determined that not every day of my life will be miserable. I also take the perspective that everybody has something they have to deal with on a daily basis and this is just the hand that I have been dealt with and I will make the most of what I have got.